End

I don’t think I really want to use this anymore…it’s just missing something-thus it’s going to be stagnant until the next time I feel like writing. Infact-my heart actually feels stagnant now; theres nothing there to motivate me anymore like it used to be-I feel like I’m entering this calm atmosphere where nothing happens and everything just goes on normally. Not to sat normal is bad… anyways, until next time.

Pie

Things are done…(namely Bio Expo)…ready for exams…straight A’s…life couldn’t even be better…wait, yes it can! H boosted my scholarship up…and I’m going! I need pie-I’m going to make one for my hard work-however, the HW offer is still up

Kill Me-this is toooooooooo gushy. kiss kiss

Trying to spice something up here-to get my mind of things…so eh…here are poems. I wrote these poems a long time ago-just never got around posting them up. So enjoy! Ps: On my dash board-it seems that people are searching for me as the ‘asian who’s going to Harvard’-not true. So sorry.

anyways…the poems

Forgotten Stars

For countless nights,

I think about your smile, and laughter.

They remind me of the stars in the heavens,

things that I once thought would never leave my side.

Always there for me to wish upon.

And yet, for countless nights

I think about the sarrow and the wounds that would not heal even after the long years,

even with the warmest glow from the sun.

I think about all those times in which I questioned myself,

and all the times to which the space next to me is cold,

and forgotten.

As I gaze at the stars, I feel a sense of change;

a shift in the world I live in.

A change that perhaps will never be the same, and

a change that will leave me heartbroken, and

wishing for the same stars.

 

YOU; Self Reflection

You cannot hide from me what you hide to others.

I see the thoughts going through your minds eye;

every step you plan to take,

and every secret you tuck away thinking no one will know.

Through your deceit, and assumptions I see

the reasons why, perhaps clearer than you

for I will always be a couple of steps ahead of you.

I can read you like a book,

and make more accurate assumptions than you.

You may brush this off like it’s nothing,

but I warn you,

someday will be the day you will be revealed,

if not by your own foolish and ignorant mistakes.

Alyson My Love

There were many times in this life in which the sun did not glow,

and stars did not shine. Yet, you were the only beam of light

that kept me away from darkness.

A dark that cannot be changed, nor saved.

You were always there for me,

through sickness and pain; one cannot ask for a more true friend than you.

You are also my muse, my friend in life

one of whom that makes me strive for the best in this time.

It is because of you that I am stonger, knowing I’ll always have you by my side.

Cheers to ten years of friendship.

 heheh.. I know this is crap…but whatever-think whatever you want to think. and yes, I have issues if that’s what you’re pondering

Diminished Hope.

Heh. $5000-thats a lot of money!!! I’m in complete frustration-enough to once in a while bang my head against something. Screw Harvard. There-I said it. -.- Why does everything have to cost so much??? Their room and board is more than half of one year at UW! Jeez. Sigh…I really hope Starbucks is going to hire me; I need money.

Money For Harvard!!!!! (I need it)

Just when my parents are mad at me-my financial aid/scholarship packet comes from Harvard. Turns out-they gave me a lot of money but it isn’t enough. They paid for all my tuition, and at most 700 of my room and board. That leaves me at least 5000 short; it’s needed for room and board. The fact that they paid for all my tuition means quite a lot, so I don’t really feel like calling them and begging for a bigger scholarship packet; at the time of registration they said they RARELY ever give full tuition scholarships. Well. That’s bull. I appreciate everything…but they just left me one conundrum-to come up with 5000 or more by May 1st. Where the hell can I find 5000 when my parents are mad at me; they don’t want to pay because I did something really REALLY bad. Sigh. I guess I’ll just tutor more bratty kids, and just buss tables. It just so happens, that my dear friend from last summer (boarding school) also got into H. We’re both in a crisis…except her parents aren’t mad at her, and she hasn’t gotten back her scholarship packet yet. We both promised that no matter what, we’re going to Harvard…even if it means saving penny after penny. Darn Asian parents-why do they always have these strict rules??? I still love them though-they make good food. Anyways…I have exactly one month-ONE MONTH before my deadline. Or else, I will decline…and find something else.

PS: I need money-though I WILL NOT degrade myself in anyway…

I’ll do ALL your homework for a month for a mere $100

(it’s not refundable by the way)

Random + ness

I think today was the most boring school day ever-I went to school, went to class, went to the Science Cafe meeting, and then just went to Team Read/CLC. During the whole day, I just wanted to go to sleep or go home and curl up in the fetal position. lol. Heh. And now, I just don’t feel like going home at all-I want to avoid the really sharp tension at home. Sigh. Home. It used to be the one place where I could feel like I was safe…and now, it’s no longer my______ (damn…whats the word I want to use here? Oh well, you understand) I know that by not going home (my mom already called me to go home for dinner-I just pretended the signal was bad) it will prolong the oncoming conflict, but I feel like theres no choice. I’ll just wait until the storm is over. Yes, that’s it. Currently, I am looking over my shoulder-there are many crooks out there, including the famed Beacon Hill rapist. Hehehe…I’m so glad I bring pepper spray with me…but fat chance that’s gonna help me…I need to learn how to run faster. Or better yet, I might want to learn how to play dead. Heh. I really want to talk to C right now…his advice always makes me feel better.

No school…

Is this supposed to be some kind of mental teaser before Spring Break? I hope not because I can really get used to it. Except for the fact that I have some amount of homework, and stuff I need to sort out by Monday. Other than that, I slept at 10 ish yesterday and woke up around 9 am today; my hair by that time was sticking up majorly. Then as I looked outside, the sun was really bright. I mean REALLY bright-that just reminded me that there is approximately one week before break, and less than 40 days before all hell freezes over. I mean the AP exam…and yes, I do feel prepared for it. But-I cannot take any chances…so that’s why my friend, I am studying right now and also surfing the “net”.  :]

Plus, I have to do things for the EXPO. Which reminds me, I’m going to need subjects for my experiment-if you’re interested….tell me asap.

Lock Down

Today at school, we had one of those lock down practice procedures-though it’s serious, it’s quite amusing; it brings back memories of the good old days.  I am a person who tends to repress memory that I am not pardon to-who doesn’t? And today, it brought back the memory floods of the homicide at Meany. Yes. I went to Meany for middle school and I don’t regret a thing. Washington was great-some parts, but what Meany taught me, cannot be learned any where else.

It was in the seventh grade, during my LA class when all of a sudden, a lady announced on the PA that a lock down was happening. We (the students) had no idea what was happening-we knew what a lock down was, but we never thought it would happen to us. We were going to school in a secluded area-we thought we were safe. Little did we know that as our teacher drew the shades, locked the doors, that outside a man was shooting his girlfriend to death. He shot her multiple times, near where we went every recess. The very same place where I had hung out with my friends, the place where I stayed after school for swim lessons. We didn’t know about the shooting until afterward. I remember walking down the hallways with my friend Lee and seeing barricades at all the entrances. Then, as we walked down toward the gym, we saw an empty chair stationed near the doors leading to the outside. Outside, there were many police cars-the most I’ve ever seen in my life. To this day, I still remember every detail about that day…I guess what stuck the most was that a girl had gone missing during all of this. They found her afterwards in another classroom…but the idea that one school might be teared apart because some narc went crazy-scared me the most.

This memory is not a very fond one…as other real lock downs-such as the one that happened a decade earlier at GHS.

Green day

Today, I had the chance to talk with somebody whom I’ve never really had a conversation with. Even though it was short and brief, it was one of the best little talks I’ve ever had with him; I learned some things about him I didn’t even know myself. It’s weird-something came up so I never got a chance to say what I wanted to say-but it’s fine. I hope someday that I can actually have a long conversation with him-but it’s hard when we have nothing to talk about. Afterwards-my day went pretty well, until I realized I had done something wrong. Something I didn’t realize would happen-but it did in the end. It really opens my eye to the things I do-a person cannot be right all the time. I seriously don’t know what to think anymore-whether I can still trust my own judgement. It seems that as spring comes, the more chaotic my life is. School, family, friends; it really stresses me out-I want more than ever to leave Seattle. I would have thought a year ago that I can handle everything-but it turns out, I can’t. I really can’t, and I’m tired to show a face that I can handle everything.  Perhaps it’s all the stress that’s been building this past year but I feel myself slipping.  I just want to cry in a corner-and just hide from all my frustrations. There is only so much that I can handle in life. Like L said, there is no meaning in the things I used to enjoy anymore.

Vexation

There are many vexations in life; one of which is an idiotic person who seems to have no morals. She does not understand the concepts of “life”, or “property”.