Diminished Hope.

Heh. $5000-thats a lot of money!!! I’m in complete frustration-enough to once in a while bang my head against something. Screw Harvard. There-I said it. -.- Why does everything have to cost so much??? Their room and board is more than half of one year at UW! Jeez. Sigh…I really hope Starbucks is going to hire me; I need money.

Money For Harvard!!!!! (I need it)

Just when my parents are mad at me-my financial aid/scholarship packet comes from Harvard. Turns out-they gave me a lot of money but it isn’t enough. They paid for all my tuition, and at most 700 of my room and board. That leaves me at least 5000 short; it’s needed for room and board. The fact that they paid for all my tuition means quite a lot, so I don’t really feel like calling them and begging for a bigger scholarship packet; at the time of registration they said they RARELY ever give full tuition scholarships. Well. That’s bull. I appreciate everything…but they just left me one conundrum-to come up with 5000 or more by May 1st. Where the hell can I find 5000 when my parents are mad at me; they don’t want to pay because I did something really REALLY bad. Sigh. I guess I’ll just tutor more bratty kids, and just buss tables. It just so happens, that my dear friend from last summer (boarding school) also got into H. We’re both in a crisis…except her parents aren’t mad at her, and she hasn’t gotten back her scholarship packet yet. We both promised that no matter what, we’re going to Harvard…even if it means saving penny after penny. Darn Asian parents-why do they always have these strict rules??? I still love them though-they make good food. Anyways…I have exactly one month-ONE MONTH before my deadline. Or else, I will decline…and find something else.

PS: I need money-though I WILL NOT degrade myself in anyway…

I’ll do ALL your homework for a month for a mere $100

(it’s not refundable by the way)

I can smell flowers again

Heheheh…the WASL is stupid…but I do feel sorry for the people who seem to be unable to grasp the idea. But seriously, it’s stupid and a waste of my time-however I do enjoy coloring in the circles since they’re especially round. Plus, I get to spend time with my long time friend M; it’s also entertaining since my room has all the Asians. Right. I can smell the flowers again!!! Yay!!! Lately I’ve been swamped with work, and more work-which is why I haven’t been smiling as much. Now that I’m finished-I can just relax and wait for the exams to come. Which should be easy. I just can’t wait for the Latin National Exam to be over with, and then it’s Gresham!! I don’t care if orchestra A is going to win, I’m just in the mood for a little road trip. Gresham will be even more fun than Ellensburg. Anyways, where were we? Yes. The WASL. So today after school, I over hear a person talking amiably about people who can’t pass the WASL. NOT. I don’t think I have heard a dumber conversation in my life; this does not indicate that THOSE people were stupid, but the conversation was. Why was it stupid? For claiming that it would be utterly ridiculous if people don’t pass the WASL. Yes, it may seem ridiculous but there are indeed people who don’t pass it. It’s not a joking matter whatsoever, and I find it ironic that the person claiming this ever so loudly would be saying such things. For people who don’t pass this “WASL” should not be deemed ignorant because they didn’t pass it. It’s just maybe they haven’t acquired the skills yet; people learn at different rates. That conversation just made my day. Perhaps I’m biased since I did get perfect scores, but whatever. On the other note, I am in utter relaxation since I am done with the Harvard financial aid stuff. It took forever, and lasted for 10 long days. =.= So as you can see, I am very tired indeed-I’m mustering all the strength I need for this week and what comes at me in the future. Mind you, there are no stupid people in this world, just very ignorant ones. And yes, there is a difference upon their definitions.

Saturday…March 8th 2008

Overall, I am currently frustrated-but I’m trying to make the best of my current situation. Ever since I can remember, I like to do things in secret. Wait, let me reword that-I like to be independent, and I don’t like people to figure things out about me. Things that I don’t feel too good about, things I don’t like to confront, and things I don’t want to be mocked or ridiculed for. After-all, even I run away from my problems most of the time-thus I don’t like it when it confronts me in a whole new way. It just so happens, something I fear will happen-something that will reveal something deep about me. Okay, maybe I’m just exaggerating, and I do tend to stress out over minuscule things. However, to my over analytical mind, I fear others can project my situation to simulate something worse. Whatever. That was a couple of days ago, and I begin to see the light now. Humans make mistakes in life-it’s inevitable. Nevertheless, we strive forward towards Social Darwinism, making us so competitive, especially me. When all the time, the most important competitor against us, is us. This is something I seem to learn everyday. Today, I tutored my Team Read kid (Helen) in math, and it seems like she has taught me more than I have ever taught her. Minus the angle sums, and not complex multiplication. Anyways, she taught me (while I took her to the park) the essence of being alive. Her joys, and her laughs don’t have the trace of stress, nor the fears I have right now. It reminds me of when I was little, and all I wanted was to play in the park with my friends; I never actually did-I just read. All in all, I realized-there is more to one person than their academics; there is more in life for us to grasp. I sit here typing this, but I know that while things are easy to say (write in this case), it’s harder to do. With exams approaching, I vow to do the best I can because it’s the only way I know I will have a stable future-without the infiltrations of fate, and what not. Perhaps, in some odd year, I will be reading this at Harvard. (Hopefully this summer)