End

I don’t think I really want to use this anymore…it’s just missing something-thus it’s going to be stagnant until the next time I feel like writing. Infact-my heart actually feels stagnant now; theres nothing there to motivate me anymore like it used to be-I feel like I’m entering this calm atmosphere where nothing happens and everything just goes on normally. Not to sat normal is bad… anyways, until next time.

Pie

Things are done…(namely Bio Expo)…ready for exams…straight A’s…life couldn’t even be better…wait, yes it can! H boosted my scholarship up…and I’m going! I need pie-I’m going to make one for my hard work-however, the HW offer is still up

Kill Me-this is toooooooooo gushy. kiss kiss

Trying to spice something up here-to get my mind of things…so eh…here are poems. I wrote these poems a long time ago-just never got around posting them up. So enjoy! Ps: On my dash board-it seems that people are searching for me as the ‘asian who’s going to Harvard’-not true. So sorry.

anyways…the poems

Forgotten Stars

For countless nights,

I think about your smile, and laughter.

They remind me of the stars in the heavens,

things that I once thought would never leave my side.

Always there for me to wish upon.

And yet, for countless nights

I think about the sarrow and the wounds that would not heal even after the long years,

even with the warmest glow from the sun.

I think about all those times in which I questioned myself,

and all the times to which the space next to me is cold,

and forgotten.

As I gaze at the stars, I feel a sense of change;

a shift in the world I live in.

A change that perhaps will never be the same, and

a change that will leave me heartbroken, and

wishing for the same stars.

 

YOU; Self Reflection

You cannot hide from me what you hide to others.

I see the thoughts going through your minds eye;

every step you plan to take,

and every secret you tuck away thinking no one will know.

Through your deceit, and assumptions I see

the reasons why, perhaps clearer than you

for I will always be a couple of steps ahead of you.

I can read you like a book,

and make more accurate assumptions than you.

You may brush this off like it’s nothing,

but I warn you,

someday will be the day you will be revealed,

if not by your own foolish and ignorant mistakes.

Alyson My Love

There were many times in this life in which the sun did not glow,

and stars did not shine. Yet, you were the only beam of light

that kept me away from darkness.

A dark that cannot be changed, nor saved.

You were always there for me,

through sickness and pain; one cannot ask for a more true friend than you.

You are also my muse, my friend in life

one of whom that makes me strive for the best in this time.

It is because of you that I am stonger, knowing I’ll always have you by my side.

Cheers to ten years of friendship.

 heheh.. I know this is crap…but whatever-think whatever you want to think. and yes, I have issues if that’s what you’re pondering

Lock Down

Today at school, we had one of those lock down practice procedures-though it’s serious, it’s quite amusing; it brings back memories of the good old days.  I am a person who tends to repress memory that I am not pardon to-who doesn’t? And today, it brought back the memory floods of the homicide at Meany. Yes. I went to Meany for middle school and I don’t regret a thing. Washington was great-some parts, but what Meany taught me, cannot be learned any where else.

It was in the seventh grade, during my LA class when all of a sudden, a lady announced on the PA that a lock down was happening. We (the students) had no idea what was happening-we knew what a lock down was, but we never thought it would happen to us. We were going to school in a secluded area-we thought we were safe. Little did we know that as our teacher drew the shades, locked the doors, that outside a man was shooting his girlfriend to death. He shot her multiple times, near where we went every recess. The very same place where I had hung out with my friends, the place where I stayed after school for swim lessons. We didn’t know about the shooting until afterward. I remember walking down the hallways with my friend Lee and seeing barricades at all the entrances. Then, as we walked down toward the gym, we saw an empty chair stationed near the doors leading to the outside. Outside, there were many police cars-the most I’ve ever seen in my life. To this day, I still remember every detail about that day…I guess what stuck the most was that a girl had gone missing during all of this. They found her afterwards in another classroom…but the idea that one school might be teared apart because some narc went crazy-scared me the most.

This memory is not a very fond one…as other real lock downs-such as the one that happened a decade earlier at GHS.

Green day

Today, I had the chance to talk with somebody whom I’ve never really had a conversation with. Even though it was short and brief, it was one of the best little talks I’ve ever had with him; I learned some things about him I didn’t even know myself. It’s weird-something came up so I never got a chance to say what I wanted to say-but it’s fine. I hope someday that I can actually have a long conversation with him-but it’s hard when we have nothing to talk about. Afterwards-my day went pretty well, until I realized I had done something wrong. Something I didn’t realize would happen-but it did in the end. It really opens my eye to the things I do-a person cannot be right all the time. I seriously don’t know what to think anymore-whether I can still trust my own judgement. It seems that as spring comes, the more chaotic my life is. School, family, friends; it really stresses me out-I want more than ever to leave Seattle. I would have thought a year ago that I can handle everything-but it turns out, I can’t. I really can’t, and I’m tired to show a face that I can handle everything.  Perhaps it’s all the stress that’s been building this past year but I feel myself slipping.  I just want to cry in a corner-and just hide from all my frustrations. There is only so much that I can handle in life. Like L said, there is no meaning in the things I used to enjoy anymore.

C+Conversation

At lunch today, I think I had the most meaningful conversation I’ve ever had. And, it was with the most unlikely person also-which makes it even more wonderful. C is a person who sleeps in class, but all the while he is still brilliant in every aspect that I can find-except math. He sucks at math. But who cares? He’s just brilliant, and he gives the most amazing advice ever. Today, we walked around and just talked about literally everything. From school, to anything you can name. I have not met this type of person in a very long time ever since my beloved “Eric Chen”. It brings back memories of every type. Note: I am not falling for him. Just that C has taught me more new things in life, or he has confirmed the ones that I’ve already found. He  makes me feel like everything is in my reach.

I can smell flowers again

Heheheh…the WASL is stupid…but I do feel sorry for the people who seem to be unable to grasp the idea. But seriously, it’s stupid and a waste of my time-however I do enjoy coloring in the circles since they’re especially round. Plus, I get to spend time with my long time friend M; it’s also entertaining since my room has all the Asians. Right. I can smell the flowers again!!! Yay!!! Lately I’ve been swamped with work, and more work-which is why I haven’t been smiling as much. Now that I’m finished-I can just relax and wait for the exams to come. Which should be easy. I just can’t wait for the Latin National Exam to be over with, and then it’s Gresham!! I don’t care if orchestra A is going to win, I’m just in the mood for a little road trip. Gresham will be even more fun than Ellensburg. Anyways, where were we? Yes. The WASL. So today after school, I over hear a person talking amiably about people who can’t pass the WASL. NOT. I don’t think I have heard a dumber conversation in my life; this does not indicate that THOSE people were stupid, but the conversation was. Why was it stupid? For claiming that it would be utterly ridiculous if people don’t pass the WASL. Yes, it may seem ridiculous but there are indeed people who don’t pass it. It’s not a joking matter whatsoever, and I find it ironic that the person claiming this ever so loudly would be saying such things. For people who don’t pass this “WASL” should not be deemed ignorant because they didn’t pass it. It’s just maybe they haven’t acquired the skills yet; people learn at different rates. That conversation just made my day. Perhaps I’m biased since I did get perfect scores, but whatever. On the other note, I am in utter relaxation since I am done with the Harvard financial aid stuff. It took forever, and lasted for 10 long days. =.= So as you can see, I am very tired indeed-I’m mustering all the strength I need for this week and what comes at me in the future. Mind you, there are no stupid people in this world, just very ignorant ones. And yes, there is a difference upon their definitions.

Saturday…March 8th 2008

Overall, I am currently frustrated-but I’m trying to make the best of my current situation. Ever since I can remember, I like to do things in secret. Wait, let me reword that-I like to be independent, and I don’t like people to figure things out about me. Things that I don’t feel too good about, things I don’t like to confront, and things I don’t want to be mocked or ridiculed for. After-all, even I run away from my problems most of the time-thus I don’t like it when it confronts me in a whole new way. It just so happens, something I fear will happen-something that will reveal something deep about me. Okay, maybe I’m just exaggerating, and I do tend to stress out over minuscule things. However, to my over analytical mind, I fear others can project my situation to simulate something worse. Whatever. That was a couple of days ago, and I begin to see the light now. Humans make mistakes in life-it’s inevitable. Nevertheless, we strive forward towards Social Darwinism, making us so competitive, especially me. When all the time, the most important competitor against us, is us. This is something I seem to learn everyday. Today, I tutored my Team Read kid (Helen) in math, and it seems like she has taught me more than I have ever taught her. Minus the angle sums, and not complex multiplication. Anyways, she taught me (while I took her to the park) the essence of being alive. Her joys, and her laughs don’t have the trace of stress, nor the fears I have right now. It reminds me of when I was little, and all I wanted was to play in the park with my friends; I never actually did-I just read. All in all, I realized-there is more to one person than their academics; there is more in life for us to grasp. I sit here typing this, but I know that while things are easy to say (write in this case), it’s harder to do. With exams approaching, I vow to do the best I can because it’s the only way I know I will have a stable future-without the infiltrations of fate, and what not. Perhaps, in some odd year, I will be reading this at Harvard. (Hopefully this summer)

Sunset…

The best thing about this time of year is the amount of day light. As I was walking to the library after CLC and Team Read, I passed this hill that allowed me to see the sun going down. And across the sky were different colors; it was a really peaceful sight-with the trees, the setting sun, the meadows, the lake, and the mountains. It really reminds me of my one dream in life…that’s not related to education or academics; I’ve always wanted to travel. Especially from the stress of this year, I just want to leave Seattle and the US as a whole. Sadly, I know I would never leave in reality. Perhaps it’s just because I went to Exeter last summer, and experienced something unique and different. Or maybe because I’m just really excited about Harvard this summer. Whatever it is, I really want to leave Seattle, and just leave everything behind for a year…or two. :] It’s not that I don’t love Seattle, but I feel it’s crowding me in some ways; the air is too dense for me to breathe in. And somehow, I think Sweden or Paris is better…maybe even the mountains in Germany? Hmm…I just want to leave, and see the rest of the world. But yea, that sunset also triggered some fond memories as well…some I thought I’ve forgotten; it’s funny how so many things happen in one life and you only get to remember some part of it. My memories of Exeter are fond; it’s the ideal place for me in many ways.